I Live In Hotels, Tear Out The Walls….

Or, how to checkin…

A) Check Wifi signal. No good? Ask for another room.

B) Check if window can open? No good? Ask for another room.

C) Disinfect TV remote.

D) See if TV works. No good? Ask for another room.

E) Check bed is clean and not a rock or a sponge. No good? Ask for another room.

F) Do not disturb sign on door.

G) Any source of major nighttime noise outside? No good? Ask for another room.

H) Engage all door locks. (Trust no one.)

I) Test room safe—with nothing in it!

J) Check bathroom for cleanliness and remove TP from whatever inevitable inaccessible holder it’s in. No good? Ask for another room.

K) Turn heat off. (80% Of the time.)

L) Notice fire escape route.

M) Sit back, relax, enjoy the flight.